Let's be honest

Life has so many ups and downs.  For most of my life I handled the downs pretty well, or so I thought.  Maybe I just fooled myself to think that.  I have struggled with my weight pretty much all my life.  I bet I can come up with 50 reason why that is, but the truth is none of them matter.  But to give you a little back story I was able to deal with it no problems.  I was very self assured and confident, no questions asked.  The about 2 years ago my husband and I started the process of adoption.  Due to an illness and a child and into adulthood I am unable to have biological children.  The process is a very intrusive process to be honest.  You feel as if every aspect of you life is picked through.  Then to top it off you are more or less placed in a popularity contest, so but that is what it feels like.  Who has the best job, who has the nicest house, who is prettier, who has more money.  It may not be the way it is intended to be, or come across but that is how it feels.  And after being listed with an agency for a year and not getting emails and phone calls returned and our profile going up picked it made it worse.  My insecurities were getting worse with each passing day.  As I am sure you guessed by now that we did get picked by an amazing woman, that is another story for another day. 
Needless to say that is just the beginning of the stresses in my life.  My husband has been out of work for almost a year with no potential job in sight.  We are having some extended family issues and some other issues that just seem to add to things.
So this is my plan to try to deal with one issue at a time and not feel so bad about putting something on the back burners.  Because the people who really care about me will be ok with me caring about myself for a little bit....right?

A good place to start

The beginning is a good place to start right.  So let's see, my name is Melinda, I am 35 years old, I am a mom to the most amazing 5 month old little boy.  I am married to my best friend and have been for 4 years.  I have a good job that on most days I love, sounds pretty amazing right.  Well it is, on most days, if I look past the down things.  Those are I am over weight, I struggle with parts of being a mom, my self confidence and self image.  And even with a great job it is still a struggle some days because my husband has been out of work for almost a year. 
In the past month I realized I am not the happy lucky go person I used to be and I don't know when I lost that person.  I have lost that person and so want to get it back.  So starting today I am going to work on my weight, work on being ok with the mom I am and start to look up from here and not down.  That is where this blog comes in, to find the support to be ok with it all.  To be ok with having bad days and having the support for it.  And to maybe encourage other people like I have been from other blogs. 
So let the journey begin!